Noah
said, “I saw my son drown before my eyes. Surely His promise is true, but I saw
him die.”
The
Angel said to him, “He did not spare you so that you might be counted among the
ignorant. Do not ask this question. Do not take this road. It is not yours to
take.”
Noah
answered, “I would rather die on this road than be, for an instant, among those
who doubt.”
The
Angel said to Noah, “Though he was the child you raised from infancy, he was
not your son who died.”
Noah
said, “If the boy who called me father was another than my favorite son, who
was he?”
The
Angel said, “He was the son of your
wife by another man.”
When
Noah heard this, his heart dissolved in a sea of absinthe and he said, “Lord,
this is a fitting punishment for those who have disbelieved. I trusted her and
doubted You, yet You delivered me and she betrayed me.”
Do
not ask Him of His doings lest He reveal your own. Pursue no cause but His
cause. His is the greatest good, the ultimate end. And do not seek shelter
except in Him. In no other is there a moment’s peace.
Do
not choose the world over Him Who made the world. Who would praise the pot
without remembering the potter?
A
wealthy widow had two suitors. The first was a poor man, formerly her husband’s
slave but freed at the husband’s death. He was virtuous but had neither good
looks nor education. Though he loved the widow completely, in the awe of her
presence he was scarcely intelligible and was incapable of expressing the
poetry of his heart. Yet in the pitch of his speech, she discerned the diamond
of love.
The
second suitor was a scoundrel who had been unfaithful to his
previous wife. His indiscretions
had cost him
home, family, and wealth. Therefore, he went to the wealthy widow and
professed love for her.
For many
hours, though he
freely admitted his faults and
errors, he protested his true love for her, repeating again and again that he
loved her and loved no other but her in words so sublime that the bird of her
heart fluttered in the cage of her breast. But she was not deceived; she saw in
the means of his love the ends of her property.
And
when he finished speaking, she said to him: “Words of love are sweet, but grow
sickening in excess. A single word of sincere love, however crudely delivered,
is more delightful. A thousand false words, however sweetly wrapped, taste
bitter on my tongue. I could never prefer the eloquence of Pharaoh over the
truth of a stuttering Moses.”
I
have said much that was false and much that was true. May God forgive me the
error of the first and the presumption of the second. And may He overlook my
trespasses against Him, though He is immeasurably exalted over my ability to
help or harm Him.
When John
the Baptist was arrested by Herod’s
soldiers, his disciples did nothing. He had grown strange to them,
though the people still esteemed him. Before his arrest, John had abandoned the
wilderness of Judea and no longer preached to the people.
A few of his disciples
had left to follow Jesus, as he commanded. The others remained with him. He
said to them, “What word will I say to you but that you have not heard a better
word before it?”
They
said to him, “Master, the people are in error and need your guidance.”
John
said, “Why do you call me master? I called on you to recognize the Lord, but
when He came, did you follow Him as I commanded you? Or do you linger with me,
a corpse in your midst?”
Not
understanding him, his disciples said, “Master, when have we ever disobeyed?”
John
said, “You have stayed with me. You have loitered in desert and desolation when
the Master of the house welcomed you to His garden. Seek Him out, and if you
find Him, ask His forgiveness.”
Yet
the disciples of John continued to call upon the people to prepare for the
coming of their Lord. But John said to them, “That you invoke Him while not
recognizing Him, you err even as the people you chastise.”
His
disciples answered, “Master, how can you say this? We merely repeat what you
preached in the wilderness. How have we erred?”
But
John would not answer them and this they accounted a mystery beyond their
reckoning. Now
during this time, Herod Antipas, son of Herod the Great, took Herodias as his
wife, though she had been the wife of his brother. On the day of their
marriage, Herod commanded in a solemn decree that the people were to rejoice
and be festive.
Thus,
amid cheering and in great pomp and
ostentation, Herod and his sister celebrated their marriage
feast. The disciples of John, however, went to the people, telling them, “Take
no part in their celebrations. Do not
cheer or rejoice except that the Lord will come.”
When
Herodias overheard the warnings of John’s disciples, she was furious. She said
to Herod, “How can you let him live who contends with you for
the love of the people? The madman they call John tramples on the majesty of
your station and commands the homage they owe you. Put him to death and the
Pharisees will honor you and the people will forget their false Elijah as they
forgot the Elijah before him and those who will come after.”
But
Herod said, “How can I lay a hand on him whom the people adore? You will never
make his blood palatable to me. If John’s disciples disapprove of our marriage,
let them frown and shake their heads. No harm needs befall us, unless we call
it down on ourselves. Let his disciples wag their tongues. Smile on them. Their disapproval buzzes but has no
sting. Yet, if I kill John, they will make a cause of his intolerance.”
Herodias
said, “If you will not kill John for my sake, then take him prisoner for yours.
Treat him as a slave or as a prince, so long as you lock him away from sight.
Then his disciples will fear us for our power over him and will say nothing to
offend us while we have him in our keeping. Do not refuse me.”
When
Herod’s soldiers arrested John, his disciples dispersed and the people did
nothing, though some considered John a prophet like the prophets of old, and
others considered him the return of Elijah, while yet others hailed him as the
messiah, though John denied all these claims. Nevertheless, Herod treated his
prisoner with respect, guarding him from harm, for he knew that Herodias sought
his blood to oil the sword of her pride.
When
John spoke, which he did seldom and but softly, something of the nature of his
voice disturbed Herod. And John’s words perplexed Herod, but he took strange
comfort in them. Still he did not believe. Herod did not worship the God of the
Jews, but admired the deities of Rome. Yet even these he expiated half-
willingly. The cup of his heart was drained of the wine of belief.
One
day Herod found John quietly at his prayers, crying into his beard. Herod
laughed, “Poor prophet. Where is your pride and righteous anger now? Who
listens raptly now? No one but this wretched king in his wretched keep.
When
Elijah’s term ended god
fetched him up into paradise in a fiery chariot. Where is your chariot, John?
Will you be lifted into Heaven alive? Or will you die a shameful death in my
prison?
Your
former students have abandoned their master. You are alone. No disciple will
defend you. None have sought you out. Not one. All those boys so eager for your
talk—what did they offer in return? Their worship? Or was it something meaner
and more human?
The
warmth of their companionship? Their young flesh? Their smooth skin? The
youngest are like women, John. Have you partaken of that fruit? Did your guilt
lay you so low? Did such a crime cause your god to abandon you to my mercies?”
John
said, “I have no such desires.”
“Don’t
be embarrassed, John. You are right to be angry. You told them to follow the
one you announced…another Joshua doing battle for god’s land and god’s
people. I suppose I play the part of the Canaanites.
But
that rabble-rouser is no prophet and the priests will finish him. The people
who adore him are fickle. You know that better than anyone. They care only for
the trend of him. He is fashionable. He intrigues me just as he intrigued you
in the wilderness. Maybe you wonder now if his charm deceived you. Oh, poor
prophet in a winding-sheet of doubt; was he the one? Did you measure him
properly?”
John
said, “It was Him.”
“It
means nothing. The people will cast him off and go looking for a new messiah to
save them from Rome and from me. But their search for a revolutionary savior
will destroy us all. These are not the Greeks and we are not the Maccabees.”
John
said, “I have no interest in your politics.”
Herod
said, “Oh, but you should. If you are not moved by flesh or politics, what else
then? Faith? God abandoned you to me, to my keep. He delivered your life into
my hands.”
John
said, “That I am in a prison is nothing.
It is a sign of neither approval nor rejection. Wasn’t Jeremiah in a
king’s prison? Even Joseph was in the well for a time.”
Herod
said, “Please stop before you compare yourself to Job as well. I am no prophet
like you, but if I recall both Jeremiah and
Joseph had not yet accomplished what they were sent to
accomplish. Yes, even Jonah’s mission was ahead of him while he lingered in a
fish. But yours is done and here you are. Your work for him is done and he has
abandoned you.
We
are brothers. We are sons of the same nation
under the protection of the same god. We have both served it and
him in our own capacities. I have given up on him, however, and see nowhere any
evidence of the power you allege he possesses.
Don’t
tell me you still worship him. I could put your head on a pike and he would do
nothing to stop me. I could have the Romans crucify you, and he would make no
noise…not even a still, small voice. The Romans could torch the city and
put hundreds of thousands of innocents to the sword; he
would do nothing even as some centurion
peered behind the curtain, into the holy of holies.
He
will not come. The Greeks came and seduced us; but we rejected them only to be
raped by the Romans. Where is our god, my brother? He is silent! He is either
too weak or too cruel to intervene! Or perhaps he does not even exist. What a
horror for you and for our people. I tell you, this search for a messiah will
ruin us. It is our nation’s folly. When they have given up and settled down,
then our people might be peaceful. But I expect Jerusalem will burn before that
day comes.
So
they look for their messiah to save them from Rome. Well here I am. I’ve kept
the peace and some autonomy. I’ve gone to Rome and groveled before their gods
and senators. But the people think I’ve sold them out.
It
is not enough for them to keep the Romans at bay. They genuinely expect a
messiah to come and destroy their empire. For a while they looked to you to
provide them this god among men. And you gave them—how hilarious this is—the
bastard son of a whore. Let’s see this Joshua do better than I have done with
Rome.
The
people will demand that he lead them in armed rebellion. The priests will throw
him to the Roman dogs.
And when the Romans have executed him, our people will find another and yet another to lead them against Rome. And when Rome
tires of our folly, they will burn Jerusalem and send us into exile. Since I
don’t need a Jeremiah to tell me this story, I can only imagine that you’re
here only because god is done with you!
We
are brothers, John. I served the nation
god created. You served the god who created the nation. And we are both
fools for it. I see no reason and no good end. Even Solomon admitted it. Is it
nothing more than this? This chasing after wind? And worse, I find it is
godless. If I had even a dram of belief and understanding, I think I might be
at ease.
John,
my brother, show me the world you see. I have no faith in god, and have lost
faith in our people. I do not have the latter, give me a taste of the former.”
John
said, “I cannot give you what you ask. Belief is God’s to offer and His to
deny. But if you turn to Him then you
will perceive the inner meaning of the story of the golden arrows.
A
youth named Zahir
was trespassing on land
owned by King Ahasuerus. While
the king and his retinue
were in the wilderness hunting,
Zahir came upon the king’s tent, unguarded and unoccupied. Inside, he found a
quiver of nine golden arrows.
He
thought to steal this treasure and placed the arrows under his shirt. But
before he had hidden the final arrow, the king and his party returned from the hunt
and the king’s guards discovered Zahir and took him by his arms.
Ahasuerus saw his quiver of arrows, but found only one remaining where earlier
there had been nine.
King
Ahasuerus asked the boy, ‘Are you a thief, even in the presence of your king?’
Zahir feigned
ignorance of the
accusation and said,
‘My Lord, I came upon your tent and curiosity drew me in, but I am
innocent.’
The
king took the single golden arrow in his hand and said, ‘Do you not hear this
one weeping for its missing brothers?’
And hasuerus drew his bow
and fired his arrow, saying, ‘How can I refuse it reunion?’
The
arrow pierced Zahir’s flesh between two ribs. When he received this wound Zahir
fainted and the eight stolen arrows fell from his shirt.
Now
the king carried Zahir to his palace and the king’s own surgeons attended the
boy and removed the shaft of the arrow and stitched the wound closed. But the
golden arrowhead remained lodged in Zahir’s flesh, for the king had told his
surgeons to leave it.
When
Zahir awoke he remembered nothing, but escaped his doctors and hurried to the
village of his home. Discovering
his wound while bathing
him, Zahir’s mother asked her
son, ‘How did you receive this injury?’
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